Today, I promise

Last night, I was once again suffering the pains of insomnia. When I say pains, I mean, tossing and turning and those long hours of just laying still, starring into the darkness, only to see the clock go from 11 to midnight to 1 AM in a matter of minutes, or so it seems. The frustrations, the anger, the unknown kept hitting me hard.

I got up and went downstairs. I wrote a different beginning and ending scene for my story, just to see if I'd like it better then the original, we shall later see if I do or do not. I read a few more blogs and then turned the computer off, hoping to fall asleep on the couch. Needless to say, I didn't. I lay there wondering why. Then I decided to make a new promise to myself.

I ask, why wait until January 1st to make a New Years Resolution? Why not now? So, I said to myself, "Today I promise to live as positively as possible." I took a deep breath and decided that every ounce of anger, fear, frustrations and annoyances should disappear. I have a lot on my mind. I have 1 amazing thing a few good things going for me and I need to hold on to that. I thought about Burger and realized that if it's meant to be, it'll be because he loves my positive attitude. Right now, it's tough and everyone wants me to think about why I left him. I sigh away the negatives and I'll blog about him later. Moments after promising myself to be positive, I fell asleep.

Everyone knows about my new journey to NYFA and that I want to be a writer. Everyone also knows that a writing career just doesn't happen to you. It takes a lot of work and even freelance writers need an income because writing articles here and there only pay so much. The truth is, since I have to have a job, I decided to go somewhere I've been wanting to go for a long time.

Now, I'm not going to look back. I've tried to write this blog in my head all day and I wanted to say that even though the title to my blog is, "A Look At Life from the Rearview Mirror," there's a part of my past that is no longer visiable in the rearview mirror.

For those of you who may want a better understanding of my title, it's basically meant that I talk about my past experiences, lessons, etc. you get the picture. But, like when you drive a car, there comes a time you look in your rearview mirror and a part of the road your driving on is no longer visiable. That part of my road is working in an office, sitting a desk, answering phones and being the receptionist, or the administrative assistant. I can't handle talking about those past jobs anymore. I can't handle another "temp" job nor can I handle another assignment that may or may not be something that I'll do for a few more months. So today I decided to look in a whole other field. One that I've been researching for the past year or heck, longer. I have some possible options and I hope I'm making the right decision.

I am the driver on the road to my life and if I have to be in control, I'm going to do what I have to do to be a writer first.

Then I'm going to keep working out because that's what I love to do. It keeps me healthy physically and mentally and it makes mem happy. I love to work out and I love to help people with living healthier lives. Whether or not I'm in a gym or blogging about it.

More importantly, I'm registered to train as a LNA or CNA whatever you may call it. I've been given many opportunities to do so this past year and I've turned them down and why? Because I feared that it would take me away from writing. Before Burger and I split, I was taking PCA classes and when we split, I lost that job opportunity as well as the chance to be a CNA. So now, I'm accepting the job and I'm going to work in nursing homes. Hey, my office experience is working in an Insurance Company offering Long Term Care Insurance, so I understand the nursing home stuff from an office person position. So why not do it from a nursing assistance position? Why sit in the office getting yelled at by people because they don't understand their insurance? During my 'office' job days, I often thought of switching the actual nursing home but, I didn't do that now did I?

I don't know what my future holds but I do know that as I work hard to be a better writer and I work as freelance writer, there's no reason to have a day job doing something I hate like waitressing or working in retail when I can be helping people. This is going to be a tough road but I have a feeling I'm meant to do this. I have taken care of a lot of people in the past and everyone says I'm good at it. Even former bosses AND the one that fired me told me I'm excellent with our clients, so why not switch to really helping people? I'll put in my 8 hours and focus on my writing at night or day, whatever time of day I'm not working my 'realistic, down to earth' job. Hey, I could volunteer as a Personal Care Giver on my free time and work a day job I don't like or I could turn my assisting people/senior citizens into a real day job.

I have the feeling this will have something do with helping my writing. Probably a lot more than the jobs I assumed would help me more.

So, Today I PROMISE to lead a positive life and even though my day job is in a nursing home, my life is in writing and nothing will take that away from me.