A Look At Life from the Rearview Mirror

Musical Inspirations

Summer star — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 14:42:47 GMT

I haven't responded to a friends blog in a long time, though I read a lot of blogs that I don't respond to often. Anyway, for a Group Writing experiment she likes to do on Thursdays, I wanted to participate today because this is my favorite topic. MUSIC INSPIRATIONS

I love music. I have since I was a child and for the most part, I'm still in love with my first favorite singers: Madonna, Bon Jovi and Celine Dion. I'm going to be nice and secretly admit that I loved Michael and Janet back in the day.

As I got older, my taste in musicians changed and I liked the heavier stuff. I realized the musical talent I had wasn't good enough for me to become a famous singer or guitar player in a rock band. One day, while day dreaming about fame and fortune, I wrote my first story. Not sure I can call it a novel but it was a start to one anyway. My main characters? My favorite celebrities. I don't remember writing something for Madonna but I sure do remember writing something that starred singers I'm somewhat ashamed to admit to liking today.

Oh what the heck, I'll own up to it! My first story starred rock stars in Motley Crue. There was a story that I was friends with all of them in high school. I don't remember how far I got with it. Then another story I shortly wrote was about me learning to be an adopted daughter. The parents that adopted me? HEATHER LOCKLEAR and TOMMY LEE adopted me! HA! Well, at least I knew I had an imagination.

I then started this thing where I became a pen pal to people who read those Rock magazines. At that time, two of my pen pals and I started to write stories, starring our favorite rock stars.

One time, I wrote a story about my friend and I were dating members of the SKID ROW band, and, let's just say that when my mom ACCIDENTLY over looked it; the story was torn out of my hands, ripped up and I had to take down every poster I had of every rock band that was on my wall. It wasn't a fun week, trust me, I may have been 14 at the time but getting in trouble sucked.

Today, my stories do not star these celeb's. I'm better at creating characters and I'm old enough to write whatever I damn please. To answer Stephanie's question, do my stories have theme songs? Some of them do.

Story One: Pledge to Secrecy - does not have a song yet. BUT, the part two of this series may have the song Angel, Sarah McLachlan because the story is about one of the 'sorority sisters' goes into a coma and the 'secret' they are hiding, that happened in 1995, can't be unfolded until Crystal wakes up from her coma. When she does, will she remember? Who is this familiar looking man, the EMT that helped Crystal in her accident? Will the girls who pledged to this 'secret' ever find out, without the help of their ring leader?

Story two: Erika Rox - well, since she, Erika is my alter ego, you could say that rock music and rock magazines like Rolling Stones inspire the story, but no theme song yet.

Story three: My Man Wears Combat Boots, well, right now, the only 'theme' song it has is "Dirty Waters" by the Sandels because, this story takes place in Boston and when the group is reunited after years of tours in Iraq, they sing out loud how much they "love that Dirty Water!"

Story Four: This story I'm working on for my movie script at NYFA, is not titled yet, it's starring Ryan Reynolds;and is inspired by real characters in my life so, the theme songs are from Pearl Jam; Dave Matthews Band and Tori Amos.

That's it for now. Music does play some role in my writing. Whether or not there's a 'theme' song for the story; or if the singers star in the story or, if the song inspires the plot of a story.

What about you? Do your story's have theme songs?

Check out Stephanie's blogs:

www.stephie5741.blogspot.com

A Wedding Script

Summer star — Wed, 11 Nov 2009 19:34:49 GMT

Disclaimer: Due to the fact that I've been studying movie script writing, I lost my 'blog' voice. It's alright, it's okay. Thanks to you my PNN friends, I'm learning a whole new style! Anyway, I wanted to share a memory from today. So, I chose to script it in a movie scene. This is also good practice.

Here is a true story that took place in my life, three years ago today! I did my best to remember the most important parts and to be honest, this is mostly from my perspective. Other's of you who were there may remember it a bit differently. I remember most of it, but, I wasn't taking notes! Enjoy!

EXT. FALL DAY, 11/11/2006; PEMBROKE, NH. MORNING.

Camera pans the small town of Pembroke, NH. It's beautiful day out, the sun is out. The orange, burnt red leaves have fallen to the ground. There are cars parked in driveways, we see the morning dew on them. Camera finally finds the CADORETTE household.

INT. CADORETTE HOUSE. SAME TIME.

In a small bedroom, we see GENEVIEVE 30 lying in a small twin size bed. The blankets are pulled up tightly to her neck.
Camera close up of her face, her eyes are closed. Her brown hair is messy, over her eyes.
Off Screen we hear footsteps. Genevieve's eyes open.
The footsteps pass the bedroom. Camera zooms back and we see Genevieve roll over, flat on her back.
We hear a faint, distant knock on a door.

PATIE (OFF SCREEN)

Helllllooooooooo! Why are you still sleeping? It's my wedding day, aren't you guys excited? Wake Up!

Genevieve smiles, stretches. She tries to sit up. Her eyes close, her face squints; it looks like she has a headache. She lies back down. She puts both hands over her eyes. She can hear her sister talking to her parents but isn't making out what they are saying.
Patie's footsteps walk down the hall. The bedroom door opens. Patie, a blond woman, 27 years old, peaks her head in the bedroom. She's smiling, big blue eyes are wide, looking happy and chirpy. She squeals in a loud annoying voice.

PATIE

"Wake up! What's the matter, are you hung over?"

Patie laughs at her sister. She closes the door.

Genevieve sits up; she looks a little hung over.

int. cadrorette house. afternoon

The sun is shining through the kitchen windows. The kitchen is a little bit messy with food all over the counters and the table. There are dishes, wine glasses, soda bottles, glasses, forks, bowls of salad's and plates of finger sandwiches. There's a punch bowel with Sangria in it.Girls and some guys are everywhere; a lot of people are talking and laughing; it's a bit chaotic in a happy way.

The bridesmaids are in their burgundy gowns. Two women walk in the house with their camera equipment. Patie is in a bath rob. Her hair and make up is nicely done up; her veil and crown are already on her head; her make up is nicely applied, it's glittery. She looks like a Princess in the making.

PATIE

Okay everyone, let's go in the small room and help me put my wedding dress on while she takes pictures of me putting it on.

int. small bedroom. same time

Enter the small room we saw Genevieve sleeping in before. It's cleaned up; the bed is made. The wedding gown is hanging on the hanger, on the closet doors. It's Diamond white, ball gown, with a long train.

Patie carefully takes it down. The bridesmaids are all gathered in the bedroom. The Camera girl is in the doorway, blocking the view. She has a big camera in her hands, ready to start snapping away.

The bridesmaids, all five, help Patie put her gown on. The Camera girl starts taking pictures.

EXT. PEMBROKE CHURCH. 4 PM.

There are cars pulling into the Chruch parking lot. Guests are dressed up and walking into the Church.

A limosine and a Rolls Royce pull in the parking lot; they park.

A moment passes.

The limo door opens. Bridesmaid's walk out.

The driver gets out of the Rolls Royce; CHRIS CADORETTE, 50s, walks out of the back seat of the Rolls Royce. EDITH CADORETTE, 50s, does too. The parents and bridesmaid stand around the Royce; Patie sitting in the back, patiently, nervosly waiting; looking around, making sure the guests are all inside the Church. Everyone looks happy; and talking cheerfully.

int. church. same time.

The music starts to play Trans Siberian Orchastra's Christmas Canon Rock as the bridesmaid's walk down the isle, one by one. First out, KATRINA (20); RACHEL (26) then MELISSA (23).

CHANTEL 30s starts to walk down the isle with MERCEDES, a white Samoyd. She reaches the end of the isle, a guest then takes Mercedes' leash and they walk off screen. Chantel goes to stand next to her brother, the groom, JOEY (30) short, stalky. Grinning from ear to ear.

Genevieve then walks down the isle, alone and slowly.

The Flower Girls (two and five) then follow behind her.

The song ends when Genevieve stands at the alter stairs with two other bridesmaid.

A moment passes, the door to the Church are closed. The song 'Greensleeves' starts to play. After a few beats, the Church doors open. We see Patie and Chris standing, arm in arm.

Cut to: Joey, Chantel and Rachel and the flower girls, they are watching, smiling. Joey has a happy boyish grin that stretches across his face.

The guests stand.

Patie and her dad walk down the isle. Patie is nervous, shy, looking at everyone. Her smile is priceless. Everyone is smiling. We hear Edith start to sob.

Cut to: Edith, standing in the front pews. She's sobbing a happy sob.

Cut to: isle, Patie and Chris finally reach Joey. Chris holds out Patie's hand and Joey takes it, as Chris whispers something only they can hear.

Halloween Witches and Spells

Summer star — Thu, 29 Oct 2009 21:59:51 GMT

Halloween is the time of year that's always confused me. As a kid, I loved Halloween. As a teen, I got sick of it. As a young adult, I hated it. Maybe because I worked in a daycare and had to deal with a lot of hyper kids high on sugar. Then, I moved to Boston and my roommates were Halloween fans. I saw Halloween in a whole new world and fell in love with e holiday.After one night in the big city, in bars surrounded by handsome strangers, I was hooked to the holiday and I've been out on Halloween every night since then. I was 26 when I found out I did indeed like Halloween.

Funny, considering I've always loved fiction writing and as a teen I loved in act in plays. Hm, I'm like Joey in Friends!(I can't find this exact clip on youtube and it's not a direct quote, but close enough)

JOEY: Halloween, it's for the weirdo's who dress up as someone they're not but want to be....

Chandler - Ah Joey, you're an actor....

This year, I'm going to my friends daughter's birthday party, then, I'm not so sure what I'll do. I'm not even sure I'll dress up.

Dressing up as someone sexy is old news - or maybe - I'm just not in a sexy mood this year. Dressing up as something scary is a lot of hard work. So maybe a simple black dress and a witch hat will do. Either way, I'm not in the Halloween spirit this year AND the damn holiday is on a Saturday night. Go Figure.

Either way, my Halloween's change every year. I don't have much of a tradition, I just go with the flow.

What I like the most about Halloween is certainly all the witches and spells and full moons. I love Witches movies/TV shows like Eastwick; or Hocus Pocus or Practical Magic - just to name a few. I've had plenty of fun in Salem, MA when I lived nearby. I've always loved the history of Salem, MA. I especially love the town, it's so cute!

But, like everything else, I'm sure come Saturday, I'll snap out of my funky mood and spend the night handing out candies to the little ones. Or better yet, go out trick or treating with my 4 year old friend and crew. Because after all, aren't the kids the ones with the cutest costumes?

Happily stuck in Transition

Summer star — Sun, 25 Oct 2009 17:41:41 GMT

(please forgive my capitals, I'm emphasizing, not screaming! I'm happy!)

These past few weeks I've been so busy I lost some control of my time. I'm busy with my writing class as well as training to work as an LNA. So blogging has been set aside. As well as reading blogs.

It's funny how my life has changed. I want to be a writer ...and I am but I'm not paid. As I train for my new 'day job' the people in my class talk about becoming LPN's or RN's and they ask if I want to do that too. I have to say no, BUT, if the opportunity were there would I really say no? There are hospitals that hire LNA's and if you want to be an RN, you can take night classes at that hospital for an affordable fee. Sounds good to me but my dream is in writing.

I read Larissa'a blog about becoming a television journalist, and that was once my dream. It's like, why is it that the one thing I want to do with my life I can't do? Oh wait, I know the answer.

1. Journalism is competitive.

2. You got to be very outgoing, and nosy to be a journalist.

3. It's a VERY serious job. We all know what main stream media is all about so I wont write it out...

4. I tried and I didn't fit in 100%. I'm a good writer but I'm not 'in your face' like the really good journalists are and besides: I am so much happier to write fiction.

Working in health care and setting my goal to be writer makes sense in that I LOVE the health field. I can't afford to travel like I said I want to so travel writing has to be put on the back burner for now and I"m not a personal trainer at the gym because I don't have the patience to deal with an annoying client that comes to me once a month, pays me, but, DOESN"T take my advise and NEVER loses the weight because of all the excuses! Granted, I'm still paid but still, what's the point in training someone that isn't helping themself? Weight training is my sport, I love it so much I can't help but be offended when I hear excuses to not do it or when my advise gets put aside. I guess I should just leave weight training for me to do alone, so no one can hurt me I guess.

Being an LNA in a nursing home is VERY humbling. The elderly NEED help. They CAN"T do anything anymore. I've already worked with women that can't move any part of their body, if they do, they just swing their arms aimlessly and exceptionally slowly. I feed them 'pureed' food, or baby food if you will because they can't eat normal food. I find tear's at the edge of my eyes several times a day. One day, I may be the 105 year old woman that can joke with my LNA but can't move or bathe myself. OR I may be the 80 year old who's a vegtable. The one who can't walk, talk or even understand what's happening to me. I don't know but what I do know is that my life has changed. I feel as though my dreams are about to come true but the journey to make them come true is not where I thought I had to go.

It's true, if you always do what you always did you'll always get what you always got. So now, I've changed one direction and I see the light!

In my writing, I've come across the famous stumbling block that ALL writers face when starting a story. It is a phase that NEW writers stumble upon. It's losing interest in a story. I hate this phase. With all of the new information that I'm learning in my screenwriting class, I feel as though the story I wanted to write is no longer there. Any advise that my experienced writer friends may have is welcomed! Please! ~SMILES and laugh's out loud!~

So now, I have two story idea's and I'm stumped. Where to go now? ~smiles~

Right now, I should be studying for my LNA test tomorrow as well as for my finals next week. With the NYFA website being down, I can't write my story so I may as well take advantage of time off from writing.

All in all, life is good. I'm just in transition and feeling good about it.

Beantown Adventures

Summer star — Tue, 13 Oct 2009 00:06:20 GMT

I finally gave myself permission to get out Friday and visit a friend of mine in Boston. Needless to say, a night in the city was well deserved and just what the doctor would've ordered, if I had one.

The saddest part of the night was the rainy weather. For some odd reason, the traffic always seems to double on rainy days, don't know why. Fortunately, the radio was playing good music and I was singing and dancing to the beats all the way into the city.

As I drove out of the tunnel, entering Government Center, I let out an unexpected girly scream and started talking to...well...Boston.

"Hello Boston I'm home!" I screeched and giggled, "Did you miss me?"

Boston didn't answer.

There was traffic and pedestrians everywhere.

"Oh yes, busy city streets of Boston that no one else seems to like but me...I missed you!" I said.

Boston still didn't answer. I think it's mad at me for leaving it behind.

I calmed down immediately to focus on the traffic. I took a left and a second later, I was at a red light and Quincy Market was to my left. I let out a happy sigh of relief and took in the sights. I turned left and drove to the light and realized I was going the wrong way.

"Oh it's okay," I said to myself, "I'm one street below Tremont Street I can fix it."

Little did I remember, I couldn't. Ooops. The next series of events turned into a moment in my time which I was able to come up with a saying:

"You know you haven't been in Boston in awhile when you forgot that:

A. Post Office Square is nowhere near Chinatown!

B. You forget that for every 3 quarters, there's a red light on Tremont and they do not turn green all at the same time!

C. You forget how expensive parking garages are in the city!"

After turning on a wrong way one way street and circled around, I arrived at the restaurant to meet the friends, I settled down and started to enjoy myself.

It felt good to be there; the ambiance; the energy; the music, the German beer, the conversations. I had fun and no, I didn't make a drunken fool of myself by dancing on the tables! Which I probably could've gotten away with considering I was in a German bar and everyone was standing near the piano singing!

I also didn't, however, stop talking about the ex whose name I will not say right now. Oh joy, you gotta love it when the beer controls the conversations and the ex is the hot topic of the night.

I didn't drive back to NH that night; I stayed at my friends. I woke up early the next day and I looked around my friends new apartment and was in love with it. There's something about the apartments in the city suburbs that attract me. I love most of the settings, they're old houses, with hard wood floors; and there's a bit of history about them.

We later left to go for breakfast and for the first time in 14 months I was within walking distance to a restaurant and I will say that I miss that so much! I also miss the sounds of the city.

As we walked and crossed the bridge that was over I93 I heard the traffic pass by and then the train pulled into the nearby station. I was quickly pulled into the scene and all of a sudden I felt inspired. Now, I do not have split or multiple personalities but being a writer, especially one with a script in progress, my ‘protagonist' suddenly came to me.

Being that I was with friends and wanted to socialize, I pushed her out of my mind and re-focused on our conversation. As we walked into the diner, I was once again inspired. I took in the atmosphere, the ambiance, the crowd, the energy. It's hard to explain when this moment hits me to people. I want to be a part of the crowd so I usually ignore this feeling that I get. Then I turned to look behind me and what do I see on the wall? A framed picture of Mark Walhberg (for those of you out west and don't know him, he's the former underwear dude, Marky Mark who sang the hit single, "Good Vibrations;" and aka NKOTB sibling to Donnie)

After reading the article and reading the menu, my protagonist haunted me again and as I looked around the diner, I was even more inspired. I gave myself a minute and felt the moment I was in. I carefully analyzed the crowd; the waitresses; the way they spoke; the way the dressed, how the stood and created a new scene in my story and added a 2^nd antagonist was too.

After breakfast and saying our goodbyes, I walked to my car and laughed my ass off as I was once again reminded of how easy it is to forget something that only the city offers:

My car was parked, no wait, ‘sandwiched' in between two cars with about a ruler's length in between my rear and my front end of car.

"Joy."

So, in I got and pulled an Austen Powers.

Reverse; forward; turn wheel left; reverse; forward; cut wheel left; reverse forward, cut wheel left. After moments, I finally got out of the tight space and managed to turn around and head home.

I could've stayed in the city and walked around, it was a warm enough day but I didn't ‘pahk the cah in Harvahd yahd' to walk around. I stopped on I93 bumper to bumper traffic and really thought about it and decided to not stay. I had a lot of writing to do and I needed to do it as quickly as possible. Especially if I was to get to bed early Saturday.

My weekend was sweet and it was nice to reconnect with good friends. I miss the city I do; but for now, I live close enough to visit often and I remember the scenes, the sites, the sounds, the attitudes, the accent, the way they dress and how good it feels to be in a big crowd filled with energy and inspiration.

Today, I promise

Summer star — Tue, 06 Oct 2009 21:21:08 GMT

Last night, I was once again suffering the pains of insomnia. When I say pains, I mean, tossing and turning and those long hours of just laying still, starring into the darkness, only to see the clock go from 11 to midnight to 1 AM in a matter of minutes, or so it seems. The frustrations, the anger, the unknown kept hitting me hard.

I got up and went downstairs. I wrote a different beginning and ending scene for my story, just to see if I'd like it better then the original, we shall later see if I do or do not. I read a few more blogs and then turned the computer off, hoping to fall asleep on the couch. Needless to say, I didn't. I lay there wondering why. Then I decided to make a new promise to myself.

I ask, why wait until January 1st to make a New Years Resolution? Why not now? So, I said to myself, "Today I promise to live as positively as possible." I took a deep breath and decided that every ounce of anger, fear, frustrations and annoyances should disappear. I have a lot on my mind. I have 1 amazing thing a few good things going for me and I need to hold on to that. I thought about Burger and realized that if it's meant to be, it'll be because he loves my positive attitude. Right now, it's tough and everyone wants me to think about why I left him. I sigh away the negatives and I'll blog about him later. Moments after promising myself to be positive, I fell asleep.

Everyone knows about my new journey to NYFA and that I want to be a writer. Everyone also knows that a writing career just doesn't happen to you. It takes a lot of work and even freelance writers need an income because writing articles here and there only pay so much. The truth is, since I have to have a job, I decided to go somewhere I've been wanting to go for a long time.

Now, I'm not going to look back. I've tried to write this blog in my head all day and I wanted to say that even though the title to my blog is, "A Look At Life from the Rearview Mirror," there's a part of my past that is no longer visiable in the rearview mirror.

For those of you who may want a better understanding of my title, it's basically meant that I talk about my past experiences, lessons, etc. you get the picture. But, like when you drive a car, there comes a time you look in your rearview mirror and a part of the road your driving on is no longer visiable. That part of my road is working in an office, sitting a desk, answering phones and being the receptionist, or the administrative assistant. I can't handle talking about those past jobs anymore. I can't handle another "temp" job nor can I handle another assignment that may or may not be something that I'll do for a few more months. So today I decided to look in a whole other field. One that I've been researching for the past year or heck, longer. I have some possible options and I hope I'm making the right decision.

I am the driver on the road to my life and if I have to be in control, I'm going to do what I have to do to be a writer first.

Then I'm going to keep working out because that's what I love to do. It keeps me healthy physically and mentally and it makes mem happy. I love to work out and I love to help people with living healthier lives. Whether or not I'm in a gym or blogging about it.

More importantly, I'm registered to train as a LNA or CNA whatever you may call it. I've been given many opportunities to do so this past year and I've turned them down and why? Because I feared that it would take me away from writing. Before Burger and I split, I was taking PCA classes and when we split, I lost that job opportunity as well as the chance to be a CNA. So now, I'm accepting the job and I'm going to work in nursing homes. Hey, my office experience is working in an Insurance Company offering Long Term Care Insurance, so I understand the nursing home stuff from an office person position. So why not do it from a nursing assistance position? Why sit in the office getting yelled at by people because they don't understand their insurance? During my 'office' job days, I often thought of switching the actual nursing home but, I didn't do that now did I?

I don't know what my future holds but I do know that as I work hard to be a better writer and I work as freelance writer, there's no reason to have a day job doing something I hate like waitressing or working in retail when I can be helping people. This is going to be a tough road but I have a feeling I'm meant to do this. I have taken care of a lot of people in the past and everyone says I'm good at it. Even former bosses AND the one that fired me told me I'm excellent with our clients, so why not switch to really helping people? I'll put in my 8 hours and focus on my writing at night or day, whatever time of day I'm not working my 'realistic, down to earth' job. Hey, I could volunteer as a Personal Care Giver on my free time and work a day job I don't like or I could turn my assisting people/senior citizens into a real day job.

I have the feeling this will have something do with helping my writing. Probably a lot more than the jobs I assumed would help me more.

So, Today I PROMISE to lead a positive life and even though my day job is in a nursing home, my life is in writing and nothing will take that away from me.

Life, and everything in it.

Summer star — Tue, 29 Sep 2009 15:03:22 GMT

I got to thinking, I've been thinking too much these days but I got to thinking about life and everything in it.

People always have opinions and idea's and we should take their advise and sometimes I'm left thinking, huh?

People will always say that money doesn't buy happiness; or that you can't snuggle up with your career at the end of the day. People say looks aren't everything. People always say you don't need this.....or that....or this...and they also say that looks aren't everything. They'll tell you it's not the material possessions that matter, that its all about relationships, with your family. They'll tell you it's not about going to the gym everyday or about wearing the nicest gym clothes.

All the negative things they can think of, huh?

In a lot of respects, I do somewhat agree with them though. I've been thinking about how amazing it is that so much has changed in my life in less than 2 years. If at 30, someone would've told me that at 33 I'd be where I am today, I wouldn't have believed them. Because I had a plan. I had goals. I had a savings account. I had a job and talent; better discipline. My life kept getting better until I turned 32.

I could write about everything that kept spiriling out of control but that's not the point of this blog. It's about the reality that you could lose everything in a heartbeat. You lose your job; your health insurance; your earnings; your savings; your house; your car; your healthy habits.

People say to be happy you have your friends and family but guess what you can lose that too. Your friends can choose to leave you tomorrow and there's nothing you can do about it; a husband/wife can dump you too. Just like if a family member can lose interest in you - it happens. Families split up sometimes. Or your friends and family could die.

People say it's not your looks that matter but when I think about it, that's my body your talking about and that's something that is mine that nobody can take away from me. That healthy, slender body is mine. Sure, opinions about (ones/my) physical appearence are subjective but my youthful appearance are mine that were not given to me. I didn't go up to a boss or a teacher and say 'hey can I look like a 22 year old woman until my mid thirties?" No I did not.

But guess what? If I choose to eat junk daily, I'll loose that appearance. One day I'll wake up maybe at 35 and I'll go from looking like I'm 24 and I'll look 60. Who knows? Or maybe I'll wake up and my overian cysts will be cancerous. Who knows?

Then I think about the people that tell me that goal to sell my writing and that my goal to be published or to sell a movie are far fetched but guess what? I'm talented. I have an ability to write, create stories. Just like I love to dance; lift weights and that I could do another amatuer fitness compitition and yet people still roll their eyes at me thinking I'm weird for having so many wild aspirations. (notice, I said amatuer, as in hobby anyway). But, that's my goal your talking about. That's my interest. My hobbies and my life and you know what?

Tomorrow or today, I could get into a bad accident and break my legs or my back; or a piece of glass could stab me in the eye and blind me. Anything is possible and I can lose everything.

But as quickly as I can lose it all. I can win it all and good things can happen too. I could become a better writer if I keep trying. I could be a better competitor if I keep trying. I could get a nice apartment one day and a nice car one day. All of these things you can earn and you can lose.

The moral of my blog? APPRECIATE EVERYTHING YOU HAVE! I don't care how petty you may think someone else sounds for wanting a career; or a nice house; or a nice car or that they want to be a professional dancer dancing with Madonna or to be on the cover of a magazine or if they just want to buy a nice house and live in the suburbs with a husband, a dog and kids. Those 'things' are someones 'wants, hopes, dreams.' They can earn those things you know; and it may not be important to you but it's important to them. And what's important to you only matters to you. So in conclusion,

APPRECIATE EVERYTHING YOU HAVE WHILE YOU STILL HAVE IT!

You can earn a lot in a few short months sure sure; but you can lose it all to. So enjoy it while it lasts. Love it while you have it. Dwell in it. It's all good!

Just Plain CUTE

Summer star — Mon, 14 Sep 2009 15:04:16 GMT

I do not normally do this, post emails that were forwaded to me. BUT this one is so appropriate for PNN!

Dear Lord,

Every single evening
As I'm lying here in bed,
This tiny little Prayer
Keeps running through my head:

God bless all my family
Wherever they may be,
Keep them warm
And safe from harm
For they're so close to me.

And God, there is one more thing
I wish that you could do;
Hope you don't mind me asking,
Please bless my computer too.

Now I know that it's unusual
To Bless a motherboard,
But listen just a second
While I explain it to you, Lord.

You see, that little metal box
Holds more than odds and ends;
Inside those small compartments
Rest so many of my friends.

I know so much about them
By the kindness that they give,
And this little scrap of metal
Takes me in to where they live.

By faith is how I know them
Much the same as you.
We share in what life brings us
And from that our friendships grew..

Please take an extra minute
From your duties up above,
To bless those in my address book
That's filled with so much love.

Wherever else this prayer may reach
To each and every friend,
Bless each e-mail inbox
And each person who hits 'send'.

When you update your Heavenly list
On your own Great CD-ROM,
Bless everyone who says this prayer
Sent up to GOD.Com

Amen

I have a Confession to make:

Summer star — Tue, 25 Aug 2009 14:23:45 GMT

I have a confession to make about a problem I kind of have:

WANT

ALL!

Yes I do. A lot of times, people will look at me and say, "You don't know what you want, do you?" I can understand why they may think that, but, my answer will always be the same, "I want it all."

Growing up I wanted to be an entertainer. Sing, dance, act, model and write books and movies (and play instruments). Like Madonna does (she used to play the drums). Well, she also just started to write childrens books, she doesn't have a lot published (yet). Anyway, being a part of the entertainment industry is where I wanted to be. Then I grew up. I'll spare you all those details and say that I ended up doing a lot of stuff; I learned to like new things (that I still like) but more importantly, I ended up doing a lot of things I honestly didn't want to do (I fear that'll happen again in my very near future).

When I started to work out at Gold's Gym in Manchester, NH (in the 90s) I found out about the Fitness, Body Building and Modeling competitions; well, I had already known about them, I just didn't know about the local amateur shows. So, slowly but surely I hired a trainer and started to train. In 2002, when I moved to MA; I met a pro-competitor who introduced me to all the Fitness Atlantic competitors. On 10/11/2003, I competed for the first time. I was an amateur and I looked so awkward. I did well enough to be invited to train and compete again. It was then that I decided to dive in head first and train for a major show in Toronto.

In May 2004, I walked on the biggest stage I've ever been on in my life. At that point, I had 2 shows under my belt and I was confident enough to compete with the best of the best. There were about 250 women, and a lot of them were older than me. Women in their 30s, 40s, 50s. And I even got to watch some of the famous girls who are in all of the fitness magazines you see in magazines on the shelves of bookstores, grocery shops or even pharmacy's. Some of those girls started to compete the same day I did and sometimes, I can't help but think, had I not fallen off the financial wagon, where in fitness would I be today?

The real answer is this: all I really want out of it is a hobby and I want the experience to write about it. I want to be able to help women with their health goals and their fitness goals. The most amazing feeling was, during those years, co-workers, including people that I met once or twice, (I worked for a big company that employed over 500 employees and some people that knew about me through word of mouth) were emailing me and asking for my help so they could lose those extra 10 pounds or if they thought they should spend $250 to join a gym and they wanted all sorts of other advice. I loved it and to be honest with you, I still love to talk and advise people about health and nutrition.

With the fact that I want to write, I have to say being a fitness and health writer is so important to me. I know I want to see my articles in Fitness for Her; Oxygen; Shape and plenty of others. There are other topics I'd love to write about as well, browse my page and you'll see the different sections, and one that I haven't added and that's travel.

So the question is right now, is being a writer a great way to have it all, in a sense? I know I may never act in a movie, but, to write about the actors in a recent movie is good enough for me. I may not be able to design a few dresses but to write about the hottest trends is just as good. I may not win first place in a Fitness Model show, but, to write about the winner is an awesome thing. I would love to write a biography about the winners. To write about the experience, the journey; sharing tips, idea's and helping someone along way, well, that's awesome. In conclusion, to take all the things I love and to write about it in a fiction story, well that's just priceless. With all the things I love, I create my characters and my stories come to life.

So there you have it; from the girl who wants it all, there's only ONE thing I honestly want in the end, and that's a paid writing career...one that allows me to write about the million different topics I love.

(and I'm not going to be happy until I get it!)

If I had a Billion Dollars

Summer star — Thu, 20 Aug 2009 13:43:09 GMT

If I had a billion dollars, my first expense would be a vacation to Europe. I’d visit France, Prague, Astoria; Germany; Switzerland; and I’d eventually make it to London.

I’d visit Africa and Egypt and Tibet. Then I’d fly south to New Zeeland and end in Australia. I can imagine after all my travels; I’d be tuckered out and would be in need of a vacation! So, I’d fly to Hawaii to rest on the beautiful beaches of Kauai; Waikiki and Maui.

Traveling for me may never get old, so I’d come home to the States and visit California; it’s always been my dream to drive across the entire State of Cali and the U.S.A, so, I’d buy a nice RV and start my travels home to NH, visiting as many coastal States as possible (excluding FLA, I’ve seen that State enough times!)

Would I be out of my 1 billion dollars at that point? I would hope not, because I’d need a place to live and I’ve always wanted a beach house. I’m sure I’d find one I’d be comfortable in Cape Cod; where I wouldn’t be far from family in New England. It wouldn’t have to be a big place, just enough room for me to entertain guests; a quiet room, my writing room, overlooking the Atlantic Ocean. At that point, I’d invest the rest of my cash into Real Estate so I can continue to profit. I’m not stingy or greedy because I’d donate the profits to charities and resume the rest of my life as a writer, a travel writer and a novelist. In my spare time, I’d find a way to teach writing to children and teenagers.

That’s all I’d really want to do with a billion dollars; Oh, I almost forgot, my immediate family would be well taken care of as well.

My Loss

Summer star — Tue, 04 Aug 2009 22:40:49 GMT

I'm back in New York, sitting in Burger's room waiting for him to come home from the garage.

I haven't been on PNN or the net much this summer - the most horrible thing happened and I'm mourning the loss of my lap top.

I know I know - it's replaceable but, uhm, yeah, like a couple hundred dollars replaceable.

Anyway - I have a lot on my mind. I'm sitting here, waiting for him and reading blogs. It's the first time I've been on PNN since the death of my lap top.

So much is happening right now, I think taking a break from blogging might do me some good, until, things are better anyway.

Hope everyone's having a nice summer!

Writing Outside,

Summer star — Thu, 25 Jun 2009 20:54:30 GMT

I've always wanted to be that girl that got to sit by the pool side, typing away on my lap top; writing my fiction. I've done this thousands of times, growing up, except I was using a notebook and my hands would get tired, my fingers would get numb and my pemenship would get worse. I used to write in a journal while sitting on the beach; or by the lake. These are the places I feel most comfortable.

In my parents back yard, there are tree's everywhere, so the sun is tucked inbetween branches. I've been waiting to see the sun for awhile now and it's nice that it's out; but for writing purposes, it's nice that I have shade, so I can sit in this comfortable chair and type away - on my lap top.

Although I can see my reflection in the computer screen really well, I can also see everything I'm reading or writing.

There's a cool breeze; a neighbor is mowing his lawn; another neighbor is using some sort of tools to saw some wood; there are birds chirping. There was also a truck passing by a minute ago. The noise is annoying and comforting at the same time. It's nice to know there's life out there; but as comfortable as I am, sitting here, I am at my parents house. Still unemployed an unsure what the hell to do next.

I'm heartbroken; been crying all day, listening to sad, sappy break up and lost love songs. I've been texting my boyfriend all of this time; we're in mutual agreement but it's still hard as hell go separate ways. I have to go back there, I still haven't moved out. Parts of me doesn't want to leave, but, I'm forced to remember why we are splitting up in the first place and I'd hate to re-visit these feelings again, in the future.

I need to get a move on; earn some money, find a place of my own and find direction. My plans are in the works, but, my plans are scheduled to happen within weeks. So I suppose I could take advantage of these next few weeks to heal; to rest and reconnect with myself.

For now, I'm just going to write and enjoy the rest of my late afternoon, typing away while sitting by the poolside.

Summer Star

Summer star — Sat, 23 May 2009 04:34:58 GMT

Summer is here and now's the time of year where I shine like a star.

Yes, I have changed my name and my page name and design and to be honest with you, I love this name!

When I first started with PNN, I didn't know what to call myself. There are already so many cool names on this site, I felt defeated. But I knew that I loved coffee and espresso; so I started with a simple, basic feel. For weeks, I wanted to change my name and couldn't think of anything. Everytime I had a cool name in mind, someone else either had it, or it doesn't fit my current life situation. I'd love to be Genevieve in the City; but, I don't live in a city anymore. I could've done Genevieve at the Beach, but, I don't live near a beach. I once had a blog name, Secrets of the Hub, but, I don't live in the HUB anymore (aka Boston). And that blog was all about the Hub life.

I never understood why choosing a name for myself has always been so hard for me. I can name other things, like books; blogs; caats, dogs, homework assignments or a name for someone else, no problem but for me, HA! Yeah right! Why is that?

Summer Star is basic, as was Espresso girl. Truth is, I'm not a girl anymore, as much as one might not think much of that word. I'm a woman and to be called girl, was uncomfortable. That's just me.

Summer Star speaks volumes of me. No matter what season it is, I will always love summer. Star's also shine brighter in the summer; okay, not always but none the less. It doesn't matter how old I'm getting, I still love summer and I'll still be a star!

No matter what happens though, I'll still always be a coffee and espresso fan.

As for the city theme on my front page, that's just to represent that I love cities and for the record, it looks like I'll have a job in the city of Albany next week!

Amazing, things do seem to happen when you're not looking!

18 days left!

Summer star — Thu, 14 May 2009 06:58:10 GMT

I don't know why I chose beer to be what I gave up for 30 days; actually, it was because of the empty fatty calories that's in beer. I don't know why I even went and added the rule, no other alcohol. It's not that I'm thinking of drinking tonight, although, I would like a glass of wine; the real plan was no beer, not wine - that was just a side note. Right? Although tonight I'm thinking of tasting a glass of the Red my boyfriend bought, I'm going to stick to my guns. 18 days left, after all.

I think what I should've quit as well as beer, instead of wine, was bread and pasta. See, you don't need bread or pasta to survive. There are healthier alternatives. Bread and pasta are pure flour and don't have any nutrients, or anything healthy in them. Wine, researchers say what they will about the healthy doses of 1 glass a day keeps the doctor away; Wine still has sugar in it...hmph.

So yeah, maybe today should be the day I give up bread and pasta and other fatty carbs like Doritos. Anything that's pure flour and processed. I do have to fit in a cute dress this July.

My boyfriends sister is getting married the 3^rd of July. I do want to look good even if I'm not in the wedding; my boyfriend is a grooms man and the least I can do for him, is look sexy by his side. He'll be dolled up in a tuxedo and I'm sure he'll be hot. I am looking forward to this wedding. She's going to have a fountain of pink something, I think it's cosmo's. Not sure, I forgot, either way, it's a luge or a fountain and I can't wait to drink the stuff.

Oh Cosmo's; I watched the Sex and the City movie on Sunday; trust me, I wanted a cosmo. Instead, I passed on that and drank some water.

Water tastes good by the way; really good. I'm going to drink another flavored water now.

Take care,

My 30 Day Challenge

Summer star — Sun, 10 May 2009 08:22:43 GMT

I wanted to share a journey I'm on. Last week, on Oprah, Jenny McCarthy started a blog about Giving Something Up for 30 days. She challenged her readers to give something up and I chose alcohol.

I could post my progress on here and myspace...or I could lead you to the page...I think I'll post it in both, it'll make it easier for you!

8 Day's and going STRONG!

I have to admit, this first week of my challenge, no alcohol for 30 days has been rather easy. It's very common for me to not drink on weeknights. However, I did hang out with my dad in NH this week; he did make a big spaghetti dinner and popped open a bottle of red wine and as good as it looked, I said no to a glass.
Every time I opened the refrigerator, I kept seeing that Michelob Ultra Lite bottle and I didn't want it either.
On Wednesday, I stopped by a friends house and her man had made a Malibu Rum and Hawaiian Punch drink and it looked like it would taste so good, but, I passed up a glass. It wasn't hard to say no; I didn't get a craving nor did I have to sit on my hands; run to drink a glass of sweet sugary soda nor did I feel like screaming.
I've been over dosing on water however. Water tastes so good by the way; if you haven't tried a glass, I recommend you try it!
I've also treated myself to some cookies and ice cream; that was unexpected but, I didn’t over indulge.
Tonight, I sit here and I have no cravings for anything. Not for sweets or salty foods; not for wine or beer. My favorite part is that I even applied for a job at a beer shop today and didn’t feel the urge to buy a 12 pack.
I think I'm ready to jump back on my work out, Miss Fitness Diva wagon once again.
I remember when I felt like I feel right now; it was those days I paced the room just waiting for my next trip to the gym. I would count the days until my next cardio-kickboxing class; I read books and magazines on weight lifting and exercise. I'd write in my journal and I would look for fun things to do that were active, like rollerblading on the Minute Man Trail in Arlington, MA; or long walks on the beach or just to get out for a walk around Cambridge, Boston, you name it, if it was active, I was doing it.
Maybe I did drink too much this past winter; but whatever, I'm over it.
I'm ready to workout - to eat - to sleep - and maybe to compete. Hey, it's a habit worth repeating, right? Once you've got the competitive bug, it hardly every goes away!

Tonight, I added an extra challenge, if I crack and drink alcohol, I start my 30 days over the next day. Right now, day 30 is Memorial Day and that's incentive enough for me!